How other people could easily defeat Voldemort
by EvilMentalHamster
Summary: Basically Harry is making a big hooha about fighting Voldemort, i'll show you how other people wouldn't mess around and deal with this baldy bad guy pretty quickly. Harry would do well not to be so dramatic about things.
1. Chapter 1

How other people could easily defeat Voldemort…

Voldemort raised his wand to end Harry Potter.

"Then you're gonna love me," growled a voice (even though there was no just cause to use that phrase).

Instantly Voldemort was whacked to the floor by a black gloved fist.

"Who the hell are you?" Voldemort exclaimed as he rubbed his jaw in pain.

"I believe in good and that it will always overcome bad. I'm Batman… Bitch,"

"Holy Voldey Moldey Batman!" Yelped a young masked boy.

"Who's that?" Voldemort asked.

"That's Robin… ignore him…" Batman said pushing Robin away in the face.

Batman bat gadgeted Voldemort in the face and saved the day.

…..

"Don't you dare kill younger wizard me!" Yelled a voice.

"Who are you?" Voldemort demanded to the new arrival.

"I'm Edward Cullen, and I've taken time off from perving on some chick to kick your ass!"

"Oh?"

Edward nodded vigorously and jumped super speedily to a tree "As if I couldn't rip your bitchfuck head off!" He roared pulling the tree out of the ground "As if I couldn't catch your snakey ass face if you ran!"

"Ok…god…" Voldemort sniffed, crossing his arms.

Edward appeared face to face with Voldemort "Say it," He snarled.

Voldemort squirmed slightly and looked from side to side. Looking back at Edward he shrugged "It?"

"Roar," Edward roared and ripped Voldemort's head off.


	2. Chapter 2

"You think… you're the dark lord… you are wrong,"

Voldemort frowned "What's with the dodgy breathing?"

"I find your lack of faith disturbing," Came the answer.

"Excuse me?"

"Luke…. I am your father!"

"Luke? I'm not… Luke…" Voldemort stuttered.

"Generic Star Wars quote,"

With that Darth Vader choked Voldemort to death.

"Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun" Vader said… but obviously with a tune and not just words that I just wrote down.

…

Voldemort had a heart attack because Jordon's boobs were too big for him to handle….

….

50 cent shot that motho in the ass obviously.

….

"Grrrrrrr,"

Voldemort looked around worriedly.

"Did you hear that?" He asked that Malfoy bastard.

"Hear what?" The silky haired cunt asked.

Suddenly Voldemort was on the floor and Simba was eating his face off…. Timon and Pumba were also there for shits and giggles.

….

A random death eater accidently tripped Voldemort up and he fell on his wand.

_To be lazily continued some other time…. _


	3. Chapter 3

Voldemort was rubbing his nipples in excitement at the thought of beating Harry Potter. Suddenly his face was full of web.

"With great power comes great responsibility," Said Mr. Spiderman.

"Mhmhmhmhm," Answered Voldemort who had a mouthful of spider web at the time.

"MY UNCLE AND PARENTS ARE DEAD!" Screamed Spiderman.

"Mhmhmhmhmhm?"

Spiderman ripped out Voldemort's heart and yelled "LOVE ME MARY JANE!"

…

Voldemort was about to stick Harry Potter in the eye with his wand when suddenly…

"Don't worry Harry, we're Fred-"

"-And I'm George!"

Voldemort looked up at them and scowled "Ginger," He growled.

"Want a sweet Voldey baby?" One of them said… I dunno which one… the ginger one…

Voldey baby took a sweet but it had nuts in it which he is allergic to and therefore died because he didn't have his EpiPen.

…

Voldemort was also allergic to Bee stings and he was stung by a Bee… so he died…

…

RANDOM HEARTATTACK!

…

Voldemort didn't treat his toys very well. Woody then rallied up all the toys that Voldemort owned and sorted that out.

Voldemort ran off and hid with Sid forever.

…

Chuck Norris defeats all

…

Iron Man aptly played by Robert Downey Jr pwned him with scientific gadgets

…

"I am Lord Voldemort! You will obey me!" Voldemort screamed at a random muggle child who kept laughing at him.

My dog Murphy then came along and bit him. Voldemort cried and then ran away.

…

Voldemort was trying to be super awesome cool with some powers. He messed up a lot of the tricks so all the death eaters sniggered at him.

He died of embarrassment.


End file.
